Your Primary (external) Relationship...

The "Next Big Thing!" / "If You're Bored, You're Boring."

Is there a pattern in your life of incessantly searching for the Next Big Thing (person, phone, car, peace, love, insight, etc.?)

Throughout my college career and into the beginning of my professional career, I was willing to leverage my happiness and my relationships to achieve success. But I had almost no appreciation for what I had already achieved, or had in my life. In hindsight, I could have...

...had happiness, positive relationships, and success, all at the same time. But I lacked vision, awareness and perception.

Nothing is wrong with achievement. But achievement for the sake of achievement is, at best, keeps you exactly where you are, moving along the path of indifference. At worst, that activity is soul-robbing. To be happy is to be successful, and vice versa. The tie that binds these two is balance.

When happy, you're more passionate, trustworthy and responsible; it's the most powerful and easiest way to create abundance. Think back to your business and professional relationships. Has there been a pattern of searching for something better without the appreciation of what already exists? The grass may look greener on the other side of the hill, but if and when you get there, are you going to look at the hill beyond with the same thoughts? What about the hill you're on now? Are there areas where you could improve, hone your craft, to become more valuable? 

Are you biding your time in your relationships until something better comes along, or for when you have the courage to do something? Do you tell yourself that it's better than nothing? This type of thought and self-trickery will keep you unhappy until you become grateful for the people and challenges in your life currently...especially the challenges! Anything less is disrespectful to yourself and everyone around you.

In your notebook, evaluate separately your business relationships and your personal relationships. With regard to business, do you have a well-thought-out plan to work within yor ideals in a passionate way? Do you have the ability to reset yourself? Are you tryig to get the the next level of achievement because that's what you're "supposed" to do? The main point is that achievement can alnd does happen in both ways. But you'll be so much happier with the former. 

With regard to your personal relationships, be honest as you evaluate each one. If you're not happy in your relationships, but genuinely want them to continue and to be better, begin to think of ways to appreciate them more, to understand what the other person is feeling and going through, and act with kindness, compassion and joy when working with them.

Write in your notebook the things that you dislike about your relationships. Then think about how each of those things is manifested in your own language and activity. How do those things make you feel and act when you're both with them and alone? Always remember that people mirror your emotions. If you're constantly confronted with angry people, you're the angry one! This is true for all emotions, including love. This understanding is at the heart of claiming both the positive and negative sides of your personality.

I an old quote I remember from somewhere:

"If you're bored, you're boring."

Change yourself before you ask others to change. You'll be amazed at how much things will actually change for the better in your relationships.

If, after deep introspection, you know your relationship will not be successful or doesn't fit your ideals, stop being selfish and let your partner (personal and business) know what's really going on inside you. But remember, this should happen only after the two of you have discussed the relationship and tried to make it work. Everything must be laid out on the table. It's important not to feel guilty for bringing things up. You're probably doing your partner a favor as well. If any of these actions scare you or bring up anxiety, that's okay. Again, that's a trigger that's telling you something must be done for you to move forward. Never shy away from tough moments, especially if you're uncertain. Practicing them is what life is really all about. Doing so builds self-esteem and character. If you're naturally an 'anxious' person, you might even find that dealing with your sources of anxiety actually builds you!

- Mark Svetcos


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